i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
