don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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