i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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