My underwear smells like fireworks.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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