You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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