OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
