you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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