I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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