I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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