tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
