After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
