I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
