Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
