So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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