That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
