so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
