Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
