I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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