She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
