sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
