what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
