im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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