the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
