If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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