just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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