this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
