he told me I talked like a deaf person
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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