you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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