It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
