How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you win again, gameday.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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