my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
