I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
