It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
