i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
