I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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