My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so let's talk penis.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
