We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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