the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
