this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
