Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
bring money and cleavage
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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