So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
