I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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