We named our party play list daddy issues
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
