Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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