I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
