That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
