This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
