OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
