Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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