You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
