I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
