can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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