Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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