a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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