My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
